


Words Fail

by tattoodblackheart



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 20:18:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11676345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattoodblackheart/pseuds/tattoodblackheart
Summary: Beca's held onto some secrets for a while, but never wanted to divulge them to Chloe, but maybe now she doesn't have a choice. What happens when Beca lets her walls down and lets Chloe in? Will Beca ever truly believe that she deserves Chloe?Inspired by Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen





	Words Fail

**Author's Note:**

> This is some deep shit. I'm sorry.

 

 

______________________  

_No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts,_

_pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am cause then I don't have to look at it,_

_and no one gets to look at it, no, no one can really see_

____________________ 

Beca always had the façade that things were fine, that they were always going to be fine because she'd make them. She wouldn't let them be anything other. Everything was fine. She was fine. The only thing she wouldn't let be fine that she'd always try and give her absolute everything for was her relationship with Chloe. God she loved that girl, with her every fiber and every being did she love that girl. 

____________________ 

She was stood outside Chloe's apartment door trying to find the courage and strength to knock but there was something stopping her.  _Come on Mitchell just knock the fucking door_. She raised her hand to lay a knock on the door when it opened suddenly, there she stood, her red hair tied up messily upon her head, tank top and shorts, accompanied by her trademark smile plastered upon her face. Beca felt instantly a little calmer when she saw her face. 

"Becs!" - The red head immediately enveloped her in a tight embrace the brunette instantly sinking into her girlfriends warm arms. She tried to muster up the ability to say something in reply but nothing would come out like someone had just pressed mute on her vocal chords. They'd been together nearly a year and you would think that in that time that Beca would have opened up and let Chloe in, but alas Beca's walls were still very much cemented in the ground, Chloe had chipped away at them over time but not nearly enough as she would have liked. 

Chloe on the other hand found this increasingly frustrating when she tried to get through to the brunette on her bad days, when all she wanted to do was cuddle up on the couch with trash on the TV or even the days she'd stumble to Chloe's apartment drunk off her ass. She knew the brunette liked to live life on the wild side compared to herself but sometimes when she'd hear about what she'd been up to the night before it just made Chloe worried and scared that one of these days Beca would end up chasing that adrenaline high a little too far and... well Chloe didn't like to think about it.  

There was no denying that she cared deeply about the smaller girl even though they had been together and doing this whole relationship thing officially for nearly a year they'd known each other all though college, she liked to think that she had her head around the former DJ. 

Chloe pulled back from the hug and leaned down, connecting her lips to her girlfriends cheek before pulling her inside the apartment she shared with Aubrey. 

"So what do I owe the pleasure of my gorgeous girlfriend today or did you just miss me too much" - Chloe winked as she pulled Beca down onto the couch with her, her smile still fixed her on face. Beca mustered a small smile onto her face but today just didn't feel like one of those days where she could keep it all fine on the surface.  

"I just.. I had to see you today that’s.. That’s all Chlo" - Beca stuttered out some sort of coherent sentence.  _Damn it Mitchell you're pathetic, this is Chloe why are you such a mess, you usually make her nervous its not the other way around._

"Well I'm never gonna say no to that am I" - Chloe replied in a low voice as she leaned in and connected her lips to Beca's. Chloe felt that electricity run through her. Beca felt the safety run through her. As Chloe kept their lips moving against each other she pulled Beca into her lap, running her hand softly through her brown hair. Beca couldn't deny that she adored these moments but sometimes the overwhelming sense of safety and love would tip her head over the edge and she'd have to just feign off being tired and roll off to sleep or just distract herself. But there was no help this time round. 

Chloe was about to push the kiss deeper when she felt something wet on her face, she pulled back and couldn’t believe the sight in front of her. Beca had her head down and there were tears streaming down her face. Chloe did the only thing she could think of and held the smaller girls face in her hands. 

"Becs? Babe.. Baby look at me.. Becs" - Chloe tried to get through to her but Beca wouldn't even look up at her. She hated this. 

"I..I'm sorry.. I.. Shit!" - Beca couldn't find the write words to say at all she just kept saying sorry over and over again as she got up off the couch, away from Chloe and went straight towards the window. 

"Becs.. What's wrong? Baby talk to me.. Please" - She'd never seen the brunette so racked with emotion before other than the bad days she'd have but they'd usually just go away within a few hours as soon as she was in the red heads company. 

"I'm just.. I cant.. I'm sorry I'm sorry" - Beca was holding onto the armchair in the corner of the room looking down at the fabric. Chloe just looked over at her, rooted on the couch it was now her turn to be speechless. 

"I'm sorry Chlo this isn't you it's all me I'm just fucked up I'm sorry I'm just so sorry- 

"Beca!" - Chloe cut her off by speaking up abruptly catching Beca off guard. "Stop please! Stop saying sorry you've nothing to apologize for, just please talk to me.. Sit and talk to me.. Please" - Chloe never liked to beg unless Beca... was well... that's not important right now Beale!. Chloe gave Beca a look of what can only be described as desperation she just wanted the brunette to open up to her for once. 

"Whatever it is Beca I can handle it I'll be here just let me in!" - Chloe was beyond frustrated now, Beca made her way over to the couch where Chloe took hold of her hand and pulled her down next to her, keeping their hands entwined. After a brief silened washed over them Beca spoke up. 

"Chlo how long have we known each other?" - Beca was looking down at their entwined hands when she spoke. 

"We've known each other probably close to three years why?" - Beca took a big breath. 

"And in those three years have I ever mentioned my dad to you?" - Beca was sniffling. She was going to cry. 

You couldn't deal with that. You could deal with a lot but Beca crying was not one of them. Ever. Chloe took a second to reply. Settling her breathing. Making sure she wasn’t going to cry. Face it Beale you're a pussy when it comes to your emotions.  

"Come to think of it Becs.. No you haven't.. But why bring that up now?"- Chloe asked gently, looking straight at Beca trying to gage some sort of reading but she was still looking down. Until she spoke. 

"Because today is the two year anniversary of his death.." - It's like a sucker punch. A sucker punch to the gut and throat and every conceivable part that can feel pain. The look... the look on her face when she tells Chloe is heart wrenching and the red head can't help but feel like she's just been stabbed in the side. She thinks she should wrap her arms around the small brunette but she knows that'll just make her unleash her emotions even more, so maybe not right now.  

So Chloe just sits there and takes in what her girlfriend is saying. She doesn't really know what to say she goes to wrap her arms around Beca but she stops herself at the last moment seeing how Beca is looking down at her hands. Vulnerable and walls starting to crumble. 

"Why didn’t you say anything to me Bec?" - Chloe wanted- no needed to know why her girlfriend hadn't told her something so, well, important, maybe she was being selfish but she told Beca everything there wasn't anything that she didn't tell the smaller brunette.  

"I've never.." - Beca started to shift in her place becoming uncomfortable about the impending conversation. Chloe just kept her eyes locked on those she'd fallen in love with so many times over. 

"Take your time I only want you to be comfortable if this is too much to talk about we can leave it" - It was time Beca thought, Chloe deserved to know so she took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling, trying to dampen the overwhelming amount of emotions that were bound to spill out. 

"I've never felt that.. I deserved this" - She let out in a such a small voice that she didn’t even recognize it.  

"This?"-  Chloe felt her stomach drop considerably at the sound of that sentence. 

"I've never had this before this relationship with someone that meant so much to me.. Where they cared so much about me and wanted the best for me" - Beca took a quick breath before continuing before Chloe could interject. 

"My mom was never around when I was growing up so I never had that parental figure in my life and my dad tried his best but financially we were just.. Fucked" - She took a breathe before lifting her face to look at those blue beacons of light.

"No one will ever understand what I went through growing up and I was on my own pretty much from 15 and I never knew how to handle when I met your parents.. they were so.. so.. everything I ever wished my folks could've been yano I didn't want to get attached so heavily and I know that's not a worthy explanation Chlo, I know there is none and that nothing can make sense of all this" - Beca felt so exposed and with Chloe's hands placed gently on her neck she safe.

"Bec there are so many questions I want to ask but I don't know how to" 

"Just go for it I don't have any walls up now.." - And with that Chloe's eyes snapped shut at the realisation Beca had admitted it herself.

"So my parents?"

"I love them Chloe.. I really do and I've gotten better at having a parental figure in my life but it was so alien for so long I never had it I never felt like I needed it because I'd been on my own for so long" - Chloe could accept that but the next question she had waiting on the tip of her tongue she didn't want to ask, she knew she had to. Clarity. 

"And.. The pills? The drinking?" - It was barely above a whisper when Chloe had uttered it. Beca felt her eyes start to sting. 

"I know I have a problem Chloe-"

"Did you not care- no DO you not care if you die Beca you could die if you keep this up!" - She wasn't angry she was just scared. Scared she was going to loose Beca completely one day. Chloe had exploded she hadn't realised she was crying until Beca had grabbed her shoulders.

"I'm gonna be honest to you for a while Chloe I didn't but yano what kept me going yano what kept me hanging on" - And she stared. She stared so deep into those blue watery eyes.

"You" - She whispered. "Because I love you and I fell so fucking far in love with you that I'm kicking all of the drinking and the pills.."

"I can't loose you Bec.. I can't I can't I can't" - Beca hated that she'd caused this, for Chloe to be this upset. Broken. 

"I'm not gonna keep running away Chlo"

"Just tell me why" 

"Nothing can make sense of all the things I've done Chloe nobody ever understands they try but I guess I wanted to believe that the things I do mean that I don't have to see what's really there.. you see Chlo, sometimes in life you see everything you wanted and sometimes you see everything you wish you had and it's right fucking there in front if you and that's you.. you showed me the light that had been missing in my life.. right now at this point in time I'm done leading my life with the worst version of me I don't ever.. EVER want you to see it again.. but it's so hard because I'm so used to people seeing it but I'm sick of people seeing the worst of me because you've shown me that I'm better than that" - Beca felt drained. Emotionally. She'd never been this honest about her struggles but like she said to herself over and over in her head. Chloe deserved to know. Because Chloe loved her. 

"It's only us Beca.. I've got you" - Chloe admitted through a shaky voice, tears still streaming down her face.

"Promise?" - Beca asked.

"I promise you.. always" - It was only above a whisper but there was so much love in those few words. Beca just leaned forward and let herself be enveloped in the redheads warm embrace. After what felt like half an hour Chloe felt Beca shift her weight off her slightly, she pulled back.

"You alright babe?" - Chloe asked.

"Yeah.. I.. I wanna take you to see him" - Chloe just blinked she could feel tears starting to pool in her eyes. 

"Are y-you sure?" - Chloe asked her voice wavering slightly, Beca just nodded.

"Then we shall go see him" - The redhead replied as collected as she could before getting up off the couch, grabbing her jacket and following Beca out the door and down to her car. 

___________________

Once on the road, Chloe kept one hand on the wheel and the other on Beca's knee for the duration of the shortish journey. As they pulled up outside the cemetry, Beca took a deep breath before exiting the car. Hand in hand they walked up the narrow gravel path before they came to a stop, Beca just stared ahead before she broke the silence.

"Hey Dad… How are you? Still fighting over the TV remote with Grandpaps? I haven’t been to see you in a while.. And I’m sorry about that.. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I don’t come and see you… And I’m sorry I let you down” - At this point she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. And it had started to rain. Brilliant.

“I’m sorry I let you down.. I know you never wanted to see any of your kids go through shit.. And I’m sorry mine took over and almost put me next to you.. But I’m gonna get better Dad. Everything just gets a little too much yano. I’m gonna try and not fall into my old habits but its hard.. But I’ll do it for you.. You and Chloe. Oh yeah I met the girl. Yeah the girl, the one. Don’t laugh I know it sounds corny but its true. She’s amazing, gorgeous, got the biggest heart ever, she actually cares about me and loves me so much. You’d of been the first person to tease me about how cute we are” - Beca tried to laugh it off but instead the tears started streaming down her face. It was raining pretty heavy now but she didn’t care, she was completely drenched.

“I really miss you dad.. I wish you could be here still.. I wish we could re build the relationship we had and just make it better.. I know you were capable of it, I know we struggled but I know there was love there. What was that dad? I know you’re right I have to put my life first and stop dwelling on the past but this isn’t fair dad! Not at all! I want you back!! Why’d you have to go so soon?! Just come back for a little while okay.. for me? That’s all I ask.. Alright? I know you’ll give it your everything.. Cause that’s all you ever did..” - Beca got up onto her feet and stood there looking down at him. She grabbed Chloe’s hand and pulled her into her side.

“I love you dad.. I’ll make you proud I promise you.. Take care dad.. I’ll be back soon, we both will. Say hi to Grandpaps for me” - She leaned down and placed a small kiss on his headstone before giving him one last smile and heading back out to the car in the rain. Hand in hand with Chloe she realised how much better she was going to be. She would and she’d show it to Chloe. As they got into the car they both sat there in silence for a second.

“He’d be proud of you Beca just like I am” - Chloe broke the silence and leaned over the console of the car to press her lips to Beca’s, as she pulled away she rested her forehead against Beca’s.

“I love you Chloe Beale.. so fucking much”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a fanfic fucking ages ago and took the cemetery bit from it and put it in here because I couldn't remember what I wrote, so if anyone thought I'd stole it gahhhh I repurposed my own shit.


End file.
